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In some ways, I think that’s easier than verbally telling your parents your gay. And yet, in a cruel twist of fate, Mum did catch me watching gay porn a few years later in my own bedroom. So in the end, I was never caught secretly watching QAF. And when my viewing habits changed, I also had to be quick with the other hand too. There were a few times Mum nearly caught me, but I was quick with the finger and even quicker with the excuse. For the first time, I didn’t feel alone.īut I knew Mum wouldn’t approve, and so my finger rested on the “channel up” button, ready to switch at the sound of a creaking door. At the beginning of my QAF experience, I watched it with delighted eyes.
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But I didn’t start enjoying it that way at first. So I’d huddle up close to the TV, turn the volume down and watch.Īt that time (this was early 2000s), a lot of people would have considered QAF as verging on pornography. My Mum and Dad were also divorced, which means I had the lounge room to myself. It was perfect timing because Mum usually went to bed early. Here they are: Secretly watching Queer As FolkĪt 11 pm, on certain weeknights, SBS would play Queer As Folk (QAF). And in that expedition came three childhood memories that shaped my sexuality. A treacherous expedition of self-discovery.
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Little did I know then that there was a long road ahead of me. And, for a time, I felt like the only one who did. I even plastered suggestive women on my school books as a vain attempt to stop the bullying.īut in the end, I realised I liked the boys the same way they liked the girls. I dated girls, I faked stories about kissing girls and I pretended to flirt with them in front of friends. And yet, I still tried to follow along, for no other reason but to fit in. When all the boys were chasing girls in primary school, it confused me.