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If you wanted to go to a sex party with your partner, how would you bring up the topic?
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Person B: Multiple times a month, typically, but that's partially because I throw my own play parties. A lot of kink parties in London are essentially club nights where there is also a play room, so my friends and I treat it as a night out. Woman A: About once or twice a month, depending on schedule. How regularly do you attend these parties?
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In general being in a space filled with people who are sexually liberated is a wonderful feeling. Person B: There are so many elements - group sex, exhibitionism, voyeurism, building community with fellow sexual deviants (I say that fondly). The exhibitionist/voyeuristic aspect is quite fun as well. Anything like inviting fifteen people into my living room to do something like that is sadly less practical and less likely to happen at home. For example, gang bang fantasies, or a fantasy with a large group of masked voyeurs a la Eyes Wide Shut. Big scenes refers to ambitious BDSM fantasies that might require special equipment that one doesn't have at home (like cages) or anything that might involve a bigger group of participants. I tend to go with a big group of friends now, and it's an opportunity to do big scenes that realistically would never do at home. What is it about sex parties that you enjoy? More importantly, I collected information over the years on what I think makes a great play party as well as the various issues that arise - as a result I think the play parties I throw are wonderful, safe, and sexy spaces. I still found the experience useful as it normalized alternative relationships and lifestyles for me. I never actually played at them, just went to watch and hang out. There were abusive men in positions of power, no infrastructure for dealing with consent violations, as well as an unhealthy drug culture. The parties I was invited to were very much straight-leaning and also had a problematic culture around consent. At that point in time I largely had not done enough exploration to feel comfortable as a sexual being, especially as a queer person who could finally be out safely. the attractive people having sex all around us! It was a bit more fun because of the sexually charged atmosphere, i.e. Most people end up playing with the friends and lovers they arrived with, and that was certainly my experience. Woman A: It's a big myth that sex parties are a free-for-all.
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I didn't have a partner at the time and largely went to sex parties with friends. Luckily had some new friends who were enthusiastic about welcoming me into spaces that would further facilitate that exploration. At the time, I was beginning to explore both non-monogamy and kink. Person B: I attended my first sex party at 18. The first parties I went to were with my best friend at the time (also a sex worker ) and a casual partner who was also dating that same friend! Going to parties seemed like a natural extension of testing out the boundaries a bit more in my personal life. Woman A: I started about five years ago, when I first started to explore open relationships. How and when did you first start going to sex parties? Were you dating anyone at the time or did you go solo?